This week the Chieftain has changed. At first I thought he was simply paying more attention to me, then I realized that no, it’s his focus that’s changed. While still flail-y, screamy, and sobby when something he wants doesn’t happen immediately, now if I intervene I can generally figure out what he wants.

Frex, he wants a specific episode of one of his programs (since it’s on the BBC I keep wanting to write ‘programmes’) but I haven’t gotten the right one. Hitting ensues. I pull him close and explain that we can find what he wants, to which he usually replies either with more hitting/crying or a tearful ‘eehhh’, which is his ‘yes’. Then we find the programme and he’s all happy.

But wait, there’s more. He’ll play in the sandbox for up to 30 minutes. By himself. He understands what we mean better, not just want we say. He’s imitating things he sees on the tee vee, usually dance moves or things the tv presenters do (this is children’s tv, no adult stuff)(and yeah, he totally gets 2 hours a day, some days more, some days less)(other days, none at all).

Lessee…he’s loving his books on trucks, trains, and diggers. He gets very excited whenever we pass all the construction vehicles in town. He’s counting and naming things, but verbally they only come out as ‘duh’. We know he’s naming/counting because he’s either pointing or saying it as we pass the items in view, ie, cars.

We have been referred to more Professional Professionals by his pedi.

I am tired, need to eat. I dream of having another baby.

Oro out.

Filed under: Clearly, He's A Genius, I Am Clueless, Milestones

I feel very uncomfortable around other moms. I feel like I’m doing everything wrong, y’know? The Chieftain still sleeps with us (I’m really going to miss him when he moves to his own bed). He still takes his milk at night, though he only gets one or two bottles now. I’m a terrible disciplinarian as he mostly doesn’t give a toss what I say – though he’s very good around roads and parking lots, stores, restaurants, and other public spaces. He can be terribly trying when going to bed, ie, he gets up repeatedly for 2 hours until I’m exhausted. Well, I’m already exhausted by then, but that’s besides the point.

What’s sad is seeing how badly he wants to play with other kids – every time he’s around kids of any age, if they come near him he runs away giggling as he looks over his shoulder, ready for them to play chase. Alas, they are mostly not interested as they are generally much older. Breaks my heart.

~*~

We went to the big town park today so he could play on the playground and in the infant water park. He wanted to go into the infant pool but didn’t have his swim diapers on – must get some tomorrow! He had fun even if he was too freaked by the shower bits at the water park.

ON an aside, person or critter who just walked by my house at 11PM while I’m watching then end to True Blood S2? Thanks for freaking me the EFF OUT.

~*~

So he’s learned a few signs. ‘For me’ aka ‘my’, various body parts, ‘all done’, ‘more’. Thing is, he puts his own spin on them. Instead of making dusting off motion with both hands for ‘done’, he puts both hands in the air. For ‘more’, he doesn’t touch hands, he grabs the very tip of his thumb with his other hand. For ‘for me’, he hits himself in the chest really hard. And yet, when Mr Oro and I were showing him the Mommy and Daddy signs (fingers spread, thumb touching chin or forehead), he watched us do it 2-3 times then did ‘for me’. How can he understand a rather ethereal concept like that, like being a separate person from us. He will sometimes sign ‘more’ for things he wants (ice cream) instead of ‘for me’ when I ask him who the item in question is for.

Yeah, he’s not talking, but he’s no fool.

Part of me feels like I should be investigating autism – it’s a terrifying thought, that he might not be “normal”. If anything, I think he’s definitely different – incredibly sensitive, very curious (I used to think all kids were curious, but everyone I know who deals with kids on a regular basis seem to think he’s out-of-the-ordinary curious), loving, funny, kind, sometimes shy, sometimes bold. I worry about his social interaction with other kids. I’ve noticed that he soothes himself with the tv when he’s upset, which is when I’m leaving for work. I find that sad and disturbing.

Though he enjoys his childrens programs on the BBC, he loves being outside more, plays with his trains and cars. But…he has very little interest in books. I think I have to find some stories involving diggers or trucks or trains, y’know?

Being a parent is hard.

Oro out.

Filed under: Clearly, He's A Genius, I Am Clueless, Milestones

‘Yet she already loved the child. She imagined it to be a boy and could already picture his smiling, open face. She didn’t see a swaddled baby but a young man with a guileless manner, rather larger than herself, who would fling his arm protectively around her before returning to some undemanding task in the fields. He was never an infant in her imagination, nor a man of substance or achievement for whom she felt ambitious, but was always just this ageless, happy male.

…The coming child had already begun to still her most restless expectations. The need satisfied in her was so deep that she had no previously been aware of it, it was as though she had become conscious of a starving hunger only after having eaten. It seemed to alter the levels and balances of her needs. She felt closer to the girl she had been at home, a broken circle had been rejoined. Although this was a soothing thought, it brought with it some doubts about what she had done; it made her want to be reunited with her family, or at least with her sister Jeanne. It was to her more than anyone that she wanted to talk.’

~*~

‘When he [Jack] was calmer, Stephen said, “You talk almost as though you had fallen in love.”

“I think I did,” said Jack. “I think it was almost like that. I was jealous of him. I wanted him to love me. I would watch the way the women played with him. I was pleased that he was happy, but I know that really it was our games that were the best. I knew it was the times with just the two of us that were the best, the purest things on earth.”

Jack talked about the boy’s innocence and how it had changed him. He could not find the words for it and began to weep again.’

p. 90, p 362. Birdsong. Faulks, Sebastian. Random House. 1996

One of the best books I’ve read in a very long time. It has its issues, but overall, a true classic.

~*~

2 years, 3 months later and the Chieftain is still not talking. He’s still a bright, happy boy who clearly understands what we and other people say, and just as clearly is uninterested in talking back. Recently we found out that Mr Oro’s older brother started speaking at 3, Mr Oro around 2.5, his eldest nephew at almost 4. Just sayin’, if you’ll pardon the pun.

It’s late, I’m tired. We were out for several hours today in my attempt to tire him out before bedtime. Alas, he still spent nearly two hours getting up again and again and again after being put to bed. At 8:30pm. I mean, really? I’m at a loss as to what to do. He’ll lie there, in the dark, with his Teddy, for 45 minutes with nary a peep before getting up all bright and cheery and ready to play. I have no idea how to stop this. We tried the Supernanny technique, but I have to say, when it’s late at night and I’m exhausted from job #1, Job #2, cooking, and back to Job #1? I cave and let him stay up.

I am the world’s worst mother.

Oro out.

Filed under: Bookworm Delight, Milestones

The growing up. The getting bigger. I find as The Chieftain gets older, I’m starting to mourn. Isn’t it silly? I dreamed of a baby for so many years, yet while I recognized that babies grow into adults, I don’t think I ever realized how hard it was going to hit me.

~*~

People keep telling me not to worry about his language, or lack, thereof, but I’m starting to worry. There’s no question that he’s regressed in his abilities, rarely even saying ‘Thank you’ now. The people at EES say he’s not getting that he can get things if he says the words, but I’m not convinced. He clearly understands us, works the computer well, still doesn’t care for books (gods help me if he’s not a reader)…

And he keeps covering his ears. No rhyme or reason for it, he does it every day, sometimes when there’s no noise, other times when there’s a loud truck or car going by. I don’t get it, but it makes my spidey sense tingle. He’s had his hearing tested, his tubes are clear, he’s never had an ear infection – why am I the only one concerned?

If another person says “Oh, what a pretty girl!” I’m going to kill someone.

Oro out.

Filed under: Crazy Madness, I Am Clueless, Milestones, Obsess much?

Another pregnancy announcement, the birth of twins, my birthday in a month.

Not much else to say, is there. Although, why I should feel this way when I have one beloved child is a mystery to me. He is enough. I am, however, greedy, and want more.

I feel very bitter tonight.

~*~

The Chieftain”s still not talking. Clearly has no interest in doing so. I don’t know whether to worry or not – everyone I know tells me he’s doing fine, apart from his Pedi. I vacillate between worrying and not. I’ve reached the conclusion that he’ll not learn to talk going to EES,but that’s okay. I’m far from impressed with them, but the play group is free and the time doesn’t conflict with my work, so.

He was stamping his feet to Lady Gaga yesterday, in Bad Romance where the choreography does the same. Very excited about it, he was.

well hell, I’ve depressed myself even more, now,so night night, internets.

Oro out.

Filed under: I Am Clueless, Parenting Is Weird

…when you come across ads like this:

Ha!

Peace out

Oro

PS: still no talking, but the Chieftain used my knife to put egg on his fork this morning.

Filed under: OMGWTFBBQ?!

I can’t believe the Chieftain is 2. How did that happen? He’s changed so much, really coming into his own these past few months. Not that he didn’t have personality before, it’s just that he makes little jokes, gives us attitude, is generally a world of fun. He’s a good-natured little boy, with a tendency to appropriate the laps of complete strangers, heh.

He’s not speaking yet, though I did dream that he said something to me and that I was very pleased. I don’t think he’s going to be speaking any time soon, either, though he continues to be very bright and catches on to things incredibly quickly. Sometimes it’s a little creepy how fast he is. We’re going to playgroup at Early Ed now, and it’s been a big learning curve. The first time we went he was very into it, the second time he was…anxious. Or wary. Maybe it’s because there are rules to be learned and we’re pretty lax about some thing here at home? I don’t know. I didn’t like seeing him so subdued. We aren’t going this week because my car is running on fumes and I have to ask my mom for gas money. Which is a whole ‘nother level of guilt.

I’ve been planning on writing this post for weeks now and the words have all disappeared. I guess it’s just still amazing to me that he’s part of me…I used to wonder at how children and parents were together, but now I understand that it comes from one party, the child, being known absolutely by their parents (presuming the best of situations). It scares me, his trust not only in me, but in other people, for them to be like me and his dad and his grandma, and the other people we know who also adore him. I worry for his future.

And on that note, it’s bedtime for this bozo.

Oro

Filed under: Clearly, He's A Genius, I Am Clueless, Milestones

Filed under: Signs and Wonders

And I don’ mean this, although it is awesome, (and subtitled, if you happen to be hard of hearing or deaf):

Anyway, Early Ed Services came last week and basically decided that The Chieftain is not making the connections between words and actions/consequences.

Hmm.

He’s mostly vowelly with some consonants (b, v, t, d) but is a conversational babbler.  He’ll happily ‘talk’ on the phone – a bit of hilarity ensued when one of the women used a wooden car as a phone, then handed it to the Chieftain.  He’d hold it up to his ear, then look at it with this expression of ‘The hell?  This isn’t a phone!’.  Hee!  He’s a good pointer and will make interrogatory noises until we figure out what he wants.  Now, maybe we’re just too good at understanding those interrogatories, I don’t know, but overall he doesn’t get frustrated at our lack of understanding.  If anything, he gets frustrated when he can’t do things by himself.  I did not care for one of the women, and neither did he.  She kept doing babysigns at him, and maybe it’ll work with a stranger. Certainly didn’t when I did it with him, he always responded verbally (apart from the ‘milk’ sign).

Anyway, he’ll be going to an 9:30 AM playgroup at EES one or two day a week.  That’s the earliest playgroup in the area, and it’s free, so we’re going.  Because of my work and the time it takes to get there, I can’t make most playtimes – I hate how often I have to defend myself by explaining that over and over again.  And the finances, they are bad.  Very bad.  So playtimes at one gym ($10 for 1 hour) are out and the other, while cheaper ($6), they are closed on my days off and open at 11AM.

~*~

More reasons why I’m a bad mother:

• the Chieftain is on my laptop more than I am
• and gets upset when I don’t open it for him, to the point that when I come home from work, he’s pointing at it and going ‘ennnh?  ennnh?’
• I keep telling myself that it’ll get better  as it gets warmer, at least until the bugs come out, but still
• he’s exposed to more tv than I’d like
• he doesn’t get out because Mr Oro doesn’t go out when I’m at work
• I am frequently too tired when I get home to play with him properly
• I feel like I’m setting him up to crap social interactions because there are no children his age around
• and I just can’t get him downtown where there are kids
• the local pre-school has closed, even though he wasn’t eligible for another year
• at least he like broccoli
• he’s a big, muscular kid – 36lbs before he got ill, but I’m already terrified he’ll be called fat, and that, clearly, will be my fault as I’m fat

There are others to go on the list, but I can’t remember what they are.

Oro out

Filed under: Crazy Madness, I Am Clueless, Milestones, Parenting Is Weird

Why, he’s himself, the Chieftain is. He’s funny, and loving, and kind when he’s not hitting me because he’s upset over something that might actually be going on in another room yet it’s clearly all Mom’s fault, I mean, duh.

He’s also not talking. Still. Although, yesterday he said hello, it came out as ‘E l O’. There was a definite ‘L’ in there, though! And last week, banana ‘ba-a-a’. The thing is, he’s so darned smart at catching on. Today, after he was done pouring the pee from his potty into the toilet, I casually mentioned that he could always pee in the potty next to the toilet (his other potty lived by my desk in the dining room). Cue a couple of hours later and he suddenly gets up and runs into the kitchen to push on the the bathroom door. Sure enough, he had to use the potty. He catches on so quick! Show him something interesting once or twice and he’s got it down pat.

Having said that, he’s either not at all interested in abstract stuff like stacking or he doesn’t get it. I suspect it’s the former, as I’ve seen him stack stuff on the sly, but he seems to get bored with it. As for sorting things by color? Fuhgeddabadit. Which totally reminds me of this:

Bad weather’s cancelled our appointment at Early Education Services for his speech evaluation. I confess I’m getting more concerned as time passes without him speaking, only because all the other children I know at his age are actually talking. I don’t know what the difference is or whether or not we could possibly have any influence over it, maybe, maybe not. All I do know is that I feel like a lame-duck mom. Not only is my house filthy (ZOMFG) with no change in sight (because my only free time is either when I’m at work or at night when I’m too tired to do anything but veg in front of the tv) but we don’t get out as much as I’d like to.

We think he’s going through a big growth spurt at the moment. We’d weaned him down to two bottles at night (still co-sleeping, but the more horizontaler her gets, the more we’d like to get him his own bed) last week and then suddenly he’s been drinking 4-5 bottles a night and horking down his food and sleeping a lot. A lot, a lot, a lot. He’s not sick, but it’s creeping me out a little bit.

Anyway, I have to go do other things now. Next time I’ll write more about what a Bad Parent I am.

Oro out.

Filed under: Clearly, He's A Genius, I Am Clueless